Since my last post spoke of re-focusing, I thought I'd pull up and old post on the subject and have another look at it. So, here we go:
Where you focus your thoughts will dictate your experience of reality. Please ponder this for a few moments and let that sink in, it is vitally important. Here is a small example of what I mean:
A man has a huge fight with his wife before leaving for work. In his anger he drives too fast and gets a ticket. At work he is still seething and cannot seem to concentrate; his work suffers, he snarls at his co-workers, they snarl back, and everyone gets to have a bad day. Worse yet, his boss is displeased with his work and chews him out. This poor soul is not having a lot of fun, his life isn’t working for him, and we’ve all been there before. Focus on the negative and it shall be provided.
Now, here’s what thinking like a master can do for you. Our hero stops at the car and asks himself a question, “This day is going to hell in a hurry; how can I turn this around and enjoy the day?” He turns back to the house where he apologizes to his wife and takes full responsibility for the fight. (Regardless of who started it or who was right or wrong.) He promises to make it up to her that evening then drives carefully to work, aware that his adrenalin is high and he needs to keep himself in check.
Once he arrives safely at work he turns to his co-worker and asks her for suggestions, explaining how his day got started. She laughs and says she will help but he is buying the coffee. Now he has an ally instead of an enemy. With a plan in motion to smooth out the home front, our hero turns his focus to his work. Now he asks, “Today got off to a rough start, but it is looking better all the time; I want to keep the improvements going. How can I improve the quality of the work I do today and enjoy the process?” At the end of the day the boss praises his work; he has his co-worker’s list of ways to fix his relationship, and is on his way to the florist.
He arrives home just as his wife gets home from work; she has a six pack of his favourite brand and an action movie with her. She has had time to cool off as well, and accepts her role in the dispute. He gives her the flowers, tells her where he’s taking her for dinner, and they enter the house arm in arm; happy ending and nobody had to have a bad day.
Ok, so this was a best case scenario, but you can win a lot more often than not, if you think like a master.
Here’s a real example, a story told by a Reiki student of mine. Bob (not his real name) was a classic type A personality, especially behind the wheel of a car. One day, after a near miss in traffic, he called and we talked. He called again a few days later just laughing. An angry man had cut him off in traffic, shaking his finger out the window as he did so. Instead of chasing him down and having a brawl, as was his custom, Bob just waved at the man and called out, “Thanks for not hitting me.” This time, only the angry driver was having a bad day. Bob was well pleased with himself and had a wonderful day.
These little stories will help us to understand the simple reality of the motto. Where you focus your thoughts will dictate your experience of reality.
Have you ever had a similar experience where you caught yourself and re-focused, thereby creating a far better outcome? Come on, share with Mamma Bear. :)
Live joyfully my brothers and sisters; laugh lots, love much, Pru
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For my best girl's fourth birthday, we took her to see the latest Alvin and the Chipmunks movie, Chipwrecked. She had never been to the theater before, so we explained all the big girl rules of staying in your chair and that sort of thing. She was very excited.
ReplyDeleteMind you, this was in the midst of absolute chaos at my business 60 miles away. The boss had been called out of town unexpectedly and as second in command, I really needed to be there and not having a movie date with a four year old and her mother. But a promise is a promise and I was at the theater.
When we got there, the doors were still locked even though the movie was due to start in 15 minutes. There are only two theaters in town, the single screen on Main Street and the little four screen just off main. The two are literally a block apart and never run the same show, so our only choice was to wait.
A few moments later, a young woman hurried up and swore when she found the doors locked. Whipping out her cell she sent a text. She just finished explaining that the day before had been truly awful since the had run out of popcorn due to an offsite manager not ordering correctly to compensate for the holiday season, when the door was open by two young men. The younger had a a hand cart and headed off at a fast walk in the direction of the other theater. The older of the two young men wore a badge that said manager, and sold us our tickets. Three tickets and a child's price.
The young woman was becoming more and more stressed as the time wore on, popcorn had not arrived yet and customers were rolling in.
I could see that my friend was getting a little frustrated, and I knew that I could have as well.
I had the advantage, I had just finished reading Calan and when that stressed out young woman had whipped out her phone, I asked what Pru would do. How would Pru write this scene? I decided to behave as though Pru had written my role.
I leaned on the counter and calmly told the young lady to take a deep breath, that everything would work out. She began to recall the angry customers of the day before and I repeated my self, she maintained her high level of efficiency, but began to release some of the dread. I even got a smile out of her when I pointed out that since I was first in line, I had waited the longest for service and of anyone in the room, had the most right to be angry. I promised her that I would not be angry as I knew how hard they were trying, and since I, with the most reason to be angry, was calm how could anybody else get irate?
As the young man with the hand cart came back, out of breath from running to the other theater, the team burst into action loading the popcorn machine. Next comes the wait on technology.
I continually talked to the birthday girl beside me, explaining that the crew was working really hard and it's a good thing that we know how to be patient and not fuss. When the four-year-old readily agreed that she was grown-up enough to be patient, what adult in the room was going to prove themselves less mature than her?
When the young woman came to take my order, I made her take a deep breath and told her that she was now equipped for the evening and to stop dreading it before I placed my order and went into my show.
I had a lot on my mind that night too. But I was determined to try the whole positve words and thoughts thing. That was my first experiment and I loved it. We had a great night, the other moviegoers were in an upbeat mood and the crew was working efficiently as normal, but weren't projecting stress into the room.
That was right about the time I decided I needed to follow this blog.
Charis, that is such a wonderful story. You not only stayed cool yourself, but you improved the day for everyone there. You da woman!
DeleteI can't think of a specific example, but I know I do this sometimes... and sometimes I don't. Thanks for the reminder, and I hope your refocusing is going well!
ReplyDeleteHi Jennette, yep, getting my focus back. Life is good. Thanks for stopping by.
DeleteWhat good examples Prudence. I appreciate the reminders and agree, life is much more enjoyable when we look at things in a more positive manner. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Karen, we're human so we won't win them all, but if we try we can win most of them. Smiling is so much more fun than frowning. :))
DeleteThanks for the reminder! I think I might need to read this once a week so I can remember that it really is about me. Whatever you are looking for you will find, right? So, I'm going to look for great things.
ReplyDeleteAtta girl Emma, not only will you find them, but you will be able to create them.
DeleteI used to be a huge type A behind the wheel. I would get so upset with other drivers. I wouldn't chase them down, but I'd let my mind and mouth tell them a thing or two. I've taught myself to mellow. It wasn't easy, but it can be done. Wonderful examples Prudence.
ReplyDeleteMe too Debra, I was a great driving instructor, constantly offering sage advice as well as chastisements to bad drivers, but they never listened to me so I gave it up. Now I just try to avoid them and arrive in one piece. That is truly worth celebrating. :)
DeleteYes! It's so true that what you focus on grows. For me it's usually one of those crabby moods that not only get worse but are then become contagious. I usually end up feeling like a three year old, so that's what helps me shake myself out of it :)
ReplyDeleteYep, funny what folks thought was cute when you were three isn't anymore. How did that happen? :))
ReplyDelete