We all have drama in our lives, we can’t escape it completely. We can, however, avoid a lot of it, and the
more we practice, the more we can escape it.
Drama, for the most part, is the work of an ego that is desperately
seeking attention. This is a distraction
that we do not need. Drama is like a fog
that clouds your view, your judgment, and destroys your sense of well
being. It blocks your ability to learn,
to focus externally, and is almost always focused on the negative.
For example, we all know people who, with their load of drama to
share, can suck the energy from a room faster than a vacuum cleaner can pull
dog hair off a hardwood floor. The trick
is to avoid getting pulled into the vortex they create. We don’t always get it right, but we can get
better with practice. We must, for drama will destroy the joy that every day
can bring, and this is turn can destroy the body. You have all seen a face that has been angry
for years. That negativity is etched
deeply into the face and body posture, and you can be sure there are internal
signs of it as well.
Here’s an example: Years ago
I was on the ferry boat leaving Vancouver
and headed for Victoria .
As the boat pulled away from the dock, I sat back to engage in one of my
favorite pastimes, people watching. I
watched as two men entered the lounge and sat next to each other. One opened his newspaper while his companion
relaxed back with a book. A few moments
later the man with the paper began to frown, his face darkened, his grip on the
paper tightened, and he started to mumble. Drawing his companion’s attention,
he stabbed a finger at the newspaper page and spoke. His companion nodded, then returned to his
book, smiling as he continued to read.
This was repeated several times on that two hour journey. Newspapers are especially crafted, as are
news casts on radio, television, and internet news, to draw strong emotion from
the reader/viewer. They filled with
drama. Over the course of that short
journey, the man with the paper continuously had his emotions manipulated by
the stories he chose to read while his companion enjoyed the trip by choosing
to avoid all that drama and read a book that made him smile. By avoiding the
drama he was able to have a much more enjoyable trip.
I know it is hard to avoid the drama when it is in the room with
you, carried by family and friends, but you must. Only by keeping apart from
the drama can you remain non-judgmental, absorb new information, discover
better solutions to problems, and enhance the quality of your own life as well
as those you share space with.
This is a tough one, and we all struggle with it from time to time,
but keep at it. The rewards are worth
the work.
May your journey be blessed,
Prudence
So the next questions are, A) how do we avoid becoming that vaccum cleaner, B) how do we help somebody who is a vaccum, and C) a great many are clueless, how do we know if we are that vaccum cleaner and try to fix it?
ReplyDeleteA)The Vacuum walks into a room and starts dumping negativity instantly. She tells all what id wrong with the world, the people around her, all her physical ailments, etc. It is all about her and the negativity she is determined to share with everyone else.
ReplyDeleteB)Distract them if you can, get her thinking about someone or something else, or some other way to get her to focus outside herself. If you fail, bug out. There's no shame in withdrawing from a losing battle.
C)Pay attention to your own voice. Do you say the word "I" a lot? Do you use negative patterns of speech? Show interest in others, use positive speech patterns, find ways to be helpful, or to make people smile. When you make someone smile you bring energy into a room to share.
Was this helpful? Yes? No? Maybe so?
What if someone is in transition? The old self was an inadvertant vaccuum and the new self is trying not to be. At what point has venting become vaccuuming? And how do you tell them without making them feel like they are not allowed to vent and voice frustrations?
ReplyDeleteA friend will always listen and comfort, but the phrase, "What's wrong?" is usually the key to opening that discussion. Everyone is allowed to dump, vent, and share, but it must be by mutual agreement. Just walking into a room and dumping is definitely bad form. :)
DeleteTrue scoop, then it's on the friend to be a good listener and not get frusterated halfway through. But at the same time, the vaccuum needs to make sure it isn't the exact same endless rant.
DeleteExactly. If it becomes the same old rant, friends will stop asking the magic question. That's a big hint and should be heeded.
DeleteDrama kings and queens are a mystery to me.
ReplyDeleteAnd to me, my buddy. :)
Delete